It's been a year -- almost to the day -- since God spoke to me as I sat in my kitchen contemplating my life. At that time, too, I had been reflecting on the previous year, previous relationships, and the pain that inevitably came out of it all. It was really a rock-bottom bit of time. And it's the point when I began to think about my purpose.
My life was no good when I tried to control it. The verse that comes to mind is Matthew 10:39, when Jesus says, "Anyone finding his life will lose it, and anyone losing his life because of Me will find it." Or in the Gospel of John 12:25-26, when Jesus tells His disciples, "The one who loves his life will lose it, and the one who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life. If anyone serves me he must follow me..."
Basically, I had just gotten to the end of myself. What I was doing -- from the small tasks to the large ones -- wasn't working. I needed to be saved.
For me, it wasn't an outside audible voice, but it was inward. It shook my whole being. His words cut through my thoughts, interrupting them, and I knew that it was God. You just know.
When God spoke to me He told me to fast and seek Him. It might sound silly, but he said clearly, "No facebook, no MySpace, no AIM." And then He said, "Fast for five days, and on the fifth day, Friday, you will have your answer." I was looking for purpose and for direction.
This message came to me quickly, like lightning, so fast yet so resounding in my spirit that I could never have made it up.
I remember not even knowing what day it was, so the first thing I did was run and find my calendar to count out the days. Sure enough, the fifth day of my fast would fall on Friday.
Too often we look at a fast like it is a hunger strike, but the real purpose of a fast is to spend more time with God, talking to Him, seeking His face, ministering to Him and giving Him our worship. I was spending a lot of time on the Internet and social-networking sites, and God wanted me to spend more time with Him. He was gauging the new level of my devotion to Him. I think He wanted to see if I was serious. Was I really going to follow Him? Was I really ready for the things He had for me? Would I lose my life in this world to follow Him?
It was during this time that God showed me Ethiopia. During my fast, everywhere I turned it was Africa, Africa, Africa. I watched a sermon that my Uncle Steve gave me years before but had never watched. It was a message by a southern preacher named Dwain Jones. Jones told stories about an organization he works with called Mission of Mercy. The Christian nonprofit was doing incredible things throughout the world, and God was moving powerfully. Babies were being totally healed from AIDS, he said, Jesus was visiting Muslim sheiks in their dreams, instantly healing them of sickness and diseases, upon which they began turning mosques into Christian churches. Dead people were being raised. Acts chapter 2, early church type glory.
I googled Mission of Mercy and navigated to their site. Out of a handful of mission trips they offered, only one was possible for me to make: Addis Abba, Ethiopia. I immediately felt compassion for the place.
So much transpired over the next few months, it's unreal, and I will post these memories as they come to mind in future blogs, but I should say this:
If there was any doubt that God hadn't spoken to me about Ethiopia from the start, it was eliminated when I found out (months into my planning and fundraising) that my mom sponsors a child -- one kid on the whole planet. I learned that that child, Mihret, is a sponsor child through Mission of Mercy in Ethiopia, and I would get to meet her and spend time with her whole family while I was there.
To put this in perspective, Mission of Mercy works in 22 developing countries across the globe, with several work sites within each nation. There are 7 centers in Ethiopia alone. Our group's home base was Addis Ababa Mercy Center, the facility that Mihret attends. You can't call that type of thing a "coincidence." God had a greater plan than I ever could have imagined!!
He knows us, and He loves each of us sooo much. He is so much bigger than we could fathom, yet God cares about the little things as much as the big things. He cares about individuals -- the ones forgotten by the rest of the world. He knows all of the things we go through. The magnitude of this experience still blows my mind.
I'm not anybody special, but I know who I am in Christ. One year ago, I never would have guessed what has happened would have happened. And I know that without Jesus I would not be where I am today.
Some people said, "You'll never raise the money; $3,500 in 3 or 4 months is impossible." But nothing is impossible with God!
I would write out checks for hundreds of dollars in faith that God would provide. Each time -- I could tell you story after story -- He would provide, often to the exact amount I needed. I would laugh and cry each time it happened and just rejoice because God has been so good to me! He is so faithful and just desires that we walk in His will and follow where He leads us.
I won't know the magnitude of our group's impact on our Ethiopian brothers and sisters till I get to Heaven. It's kingdom stuff. It was huge. And so many amazing people -- my friends and family -- sowed into the project with prayers and financial gifts. They all played a part in this, and God will reward them for their kindness and their faithfulness. I am so grateful for everyone's prayers.
I am embarking on a new adventure to Swaziland, in southern Africa, with Mission of Mercy this August 2009. This time, I'll be working at an AIDS orphanage in a country where the life expectancy is only 31 years old. One-third of the population has HIV or AIDS. I can't imagine what they are going through, but I am going because God loves them and Jesus died for them. And I am willing to go for Him and demonstrate the Gospel and Christ's love.
God will always move when He has a people through whom He can work. I want Him to be able to work through me and through those who sow into this ministry.
Some plant, some water, but it is God who gives the increase.
**The photo above is of me and Mihret, taken by Meghan O'Neill.**
